Thursday, May 19, 2011

day in the life of a cat.


Bach-o, Bachy, Bach-a-lach, Bach-Bach-Bach-Bach...(said in the voice of cadbury bunny)


Stephanie and Brandon have overall responsibility for ensuring that my every whim is met. I tolerate them and  often reward them for their efforts by allowing them to cuddle me for a brief moment before leaving. I always leave as much cat hair behind though as a reminder of my presence.

I don't meow I chirrup. Therefore my most often uttered phrase is "right now".

Favorite habits?
Lying on my side in the middle of the floor inviting tummy tickles which are in fact an elaborate trap to allow me to bunny kick arms of baldies who come too close. I also enjoy lying on my side in the hall, bedroom and living room. Except when it's laundry day then I like to lie under the comforter on a freshly made bed. I also sit in the closet and paw at clothes. Never the cheap stuff though, I prefer to ruin as many expensive shirts and pairs of trousers as possible. 

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
Given that I am the bigger twin to another cat I enjoy the fact that whenever I go into a room I get dibs first. A perfect evening for me would be to fall asleep face down in a bowl of food prior to staking out the kitchen where either more food will magically appear. After eating I might roll around on one of my mom’s shirts, try to claw at the sofa or perhaps a play mouse may arrive for an evening game of “chasing the mouse noisily around the house before leaving it inside the bed for my owner to find in the morning.”

Favourite food?
I enjoy eating dried food most of all. Specifically the expensive food that’s hard to find in town and meant to be for my Uncle Sam but I love more than anything. In truth I am probably the greediest cat of all time so will eat almost anything. Except the ground up moosh they call "wet food" my owners got for my pudgy gut. I just left that.

Defining moment of your life?
Realizing that I am the strongest cat in the world and can get anything I want. All I need to do is push you out of the way or sit on you whichever is easier at the time. I am pretty much the king of getting what I want when I want it.

Any enemies?
My brother Jacque "thinks" he is the alpha male of the house and regularly attempts to beat me up. I have to be on my guard against random punches. I get him back though by waiting till he’s asleep and sticking my teeth in his substantial behind or on his neck.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
More people like my owners. Stephanie has been known to sit on the floor for the whole night instead of disturbing me when I’m on the sofa. That’s the bigger sofa they got to accommodate more than two people. I don’t think she minds though, she loves us so much.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
I would love to meet Matt Damon, he has mad fighting skills and I believe I could learn a lot from him for better tactics against my brother.

I was born outside a little house with 3 dogs in the middle of town. I was the only cat who had a twin of 6 it was clear from an early age that I was meant to define myself apart from the other cats and dogs and so probably needed to live somewhere with central air conditioning rather than live outdoors. I choose Stephanie because when she arrived at the house she was as clearly revolted by the sight of my make-shift home as I was. Unfortunately I smelt like the dog and poop for a good 2 months until eventually I’d shed all my hair everywhere. I live with my brother Jacque and sister Diamond (the dog). I’ve know Brandon for 3 years so I don’t think I’m considered a step kid anymore, well except when I’m sick on Brandon's side of the room. I thought it was funny.  

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