stephanie + brandon: crazy cat lady

Showing posts with label crazy cat lady. Show all posts

Thursday, May 19, 2011

day in the life of a cat 2.

Name

Jacque

Nicknames

Jacquey-Jacque, spy man, Adventure kitty

Age

Owners

Stephanie and Brandon. Though given my status as a secret undercover agent for the Cat Intelligence Agency, the term ‘handlers’ is probably more appropriate.

Catchphrase?
I could tell you that, but then I’d have to eat you…

Favourite habits?
Scaling vertical objects, free running, paw-to-paw combat, killing things. Not necessarily in that order.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
I like doing a stake-out around door corners – amazing what you can spot if you sit still long enough. I like watching NCIS, CSI, and Covert Affairs too – I’ve got quite a few good ideas from them, though their fitness and agility levels are laughable compared to mine.

Favourite food?
Ideally something that’s still warm. I quite like Taste of the Wild though - crunching keeps my teeth sharp.

Defining moment of your life?
Getting loose outside for the first time the handlers left the back door open. Never been so embarrassed in my life, and freaked the handlers out too. That’s when I knew I had to do more CIA training…

Any enemies?
There’s a nasty brown, black and white impuss-ter who makes incursions into the safe area through the handler's gate at night. I suspect there’s a mole in the garden, but I’ve got him tailed.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
Putting me in charge. I’m cleverer than most humans I know. And I can, of course speak - I just choose not to.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
I could give that Daniel Craig a run for his money – call himself a secret agent - doesn’t even have the latest fiber-optic hyper-sensitive whiskers!

Biography
I was one of a litter of six, I do have a twin but it’s generally agreed I got all the brains. Even at six weeks I was leading an expedition behind the washing machine, and less than a day after I came to my new home I was already looking for optimum escape routes. I live with my brother Bach who can be too much of a sweetie, so not much good as a field agent, he is somewhat good in a Code K9 (that’s ‘dog on the grid’ to you). Though he can be useful as a sparring partner to practice my paw-to-paw combat on (the handlers have a pic of that in my top secret file).

day in the life of a cat.

Name

Bach

Nicknames

Bach-o, Bachy, Bach-a-lach, Bach-Bach-Bach-Bach...(said in the voice of cadbury bunny)

Age

3

Owners
Stephanie and Brandon have overall responsibility for ensuring that my every whim is met. I tolerate them and often reward them for their efforts by allowing them to cuddle me for a brief moment before leaving. I always leave as much cat hair behind though as a reminder of my presence.

Catchphrase?
I don't meow I chirrup. Therefore my most often uttered phrase is "right now".

Favorite habits?
Lying on my side in the middle of the floor inviting tummy tickles which are in fact an elaborate trap to allow me to bunny kick arms of baldies who come too close. I also enjoy lying on my side in the hall, bedroom and living room. Except when it's laundry day then I like to lie under the comforter on a freshly made bed. I also sit in the closet and paw at clothes. Never the cheap stuff though, I prefer to ruin as many expensive shirts and pairs of trousers as possible.

What constitutes a perfect evening for you?
Given that I am the bigger twin to another cat I enjoy the fact that whenever I go into a room I get dibs first. A perfect evening for me would be to fall asleep face down in a bowl of food prior to staking out the kitchen where either more food will magically appear. After eating I might roll around on one of my mom’s shirts, try to claw at the sofa or perhaps a play mouse may arrive for an evening game of “chasing the mouse noisily around the house before leaving it inside the bed for my owner to find in the morning.”

Favourite food?
I enjoy eating dried food most of all. Specifically the expensive food that’s hard to find in town and meant to be for my Uncle Sam but I love more than anything. In truth I am probably the greediest cat of all time so will eat almost anything. Except the ground up moosh they call "wet food" my owners got for my pudgy gut. I just left that.

Defining moment of your life?
Realizing that I am the strongest cat in the world and can get anything I want. All I need to do is push you out of the way or sit on you whichever is easier at the time. I am pretty much the king of getting what I want when I want it.

Any enemies?
My brother Jacque "thinks" he is the alpha male of the house and regularly attempts to beat me up. I have to be on my guard against random punches. I get him back though by waiting till he’s asleep and sticking my teeth in his substantial behind or on his neck.

If you could do one thing to make the world a better place for felines, what would it be?
More people like my owners. Stephanie has been known to sit on the floor for the whole night instead of disturbing me when I’m on the sofa. That’s the bigger sofa they got to accommodate more than two people. I don’t think she minds though, she loves us so much.

If you could meet a celebrity who would it be and why?
I would love to meet Matt Damon, he has mad fighting skills and I believe I could learn a lot from him for better tactics against my brother.

Biography
I was born outside a little house with 3 dogs in the middle of town. I was the only cat who had a twin of 6 it was clear from an early age that I was meant to define myself apart from the other cats and dogs and so probably needed to live somewhere with central air conditioning rather than live outdoors. I choose Stephanie because when she arrived at the house she was as clearly revolted by the sight of my make-shift home as I was. Unfortunately I smelt like the dog and poop for a good 2 months until eventually I’d shed all my hair everywhere. I live with my brother Jacque and sister Diamond (the dog). I’ve know Brandon for 3 years so I don’t think I’m considered a step kid anymore, well except when I’m sick on Brandon's side of the room. I thought it was funny.

Worth the money.

Yesterday I happened to go in the local Fred's store I never go in this store so imagine the excitement in my find and find a cat toy for $5. It was PERFECT, it has a mouse on a bouncy spring and a ball to push around! I couldn't wait to get it home for the kitties to play with. Here is some of the fun they had...

They were beyond THRILLED about their new toy. I believe they were telling me Thanks mom!!!

BEST $5 EVER SPENT!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Guest Blogger

Hey. I'm Bach.

I wanted to tell you a little bit about my life with my mommy and my now daddy (of 5 months) and of course with my brother. This is him..

Hi. I'm Jacque.

See we use to live with mommy and my brother and our other two brothers at mom's parents house.

Hello! My name's Sam and this guy next to me is Rosco (don't mind him if he doesn't say Hi, he is very shy..)

But five months ago everything changed, mom married this man (she calls him Brandon and says he is our new daddy now).

We like Brandon for the most part.

He doesn't let us get away with as much stuff as our mommy does.

Mommy use to stay at home with us during the day but now she leaves us every day to go to this place she calls work. We don't like work. We miss mom terribly when she is gone and can't wait for her to return home. But we manage to find some things to do while she is away,

Things like this,

AND This,

And a LOT of this.

We LOVE to help mom when she makes the bed. It is the most fun to run around in the sheets

My brother Jacque gave up on lookin for me

SO, mom decided she would find me!

and she did!!!

Well I have to go now. My mommy is going to bed and me and Bach...wait mom would kill me if she knew I didn't use proper grammar, Bach and I love to lay with mom at bedtime.

Meowly yours,

BACH

Monday, May 9, 2011

Sometimes I wish...

...that I were a cat.

If I were a cat, then I could sleep 16 hours every day. Also, I would constantly be held, cuddled, and adored. Everyone would look at me and say, "Ohhhh, you're so cute." In fact, I would be so adorable that people would take pictures and blog about me. Life would be purrfect! (Why do I think I'm funny?!)

Note to Sammie:
I want to be you.

Note to Rachel:
I'm sorry this blog post disgusts, offends, and annoys you.

Note to Bach:
I adore your spunkiness.

Note to Bach:
I'm sorry I annoy you with taking pictures of your cuteness.

100 Things I Want To Do Before I'm 100

1.) Give birth. (I could just say I want to be a mother, but I wanted to make it clear that I actually want to experience giving birth...oh, and I want to do this 2 times!)
2.) Teach someone how to knit.
3.) Teach someone about the gospel.
4.) Publish something.
5.) Learn how to play a classical song on the piano.
6.) Wear a fancy dress to a fancy play. The dress should probably be black...and sparkly!
7.) Help design and build my own home.
8.) Go to another country.
9.) Get my masters degree.
10.) Get my PhD.
11.) Have a huge party to celebrate my 75th wedding anniversary with my husband.
12.) Go on another cruise. A Norwegian cruise, preferably.
13.) Be on T.V. (Even if I'm just in the background waving!)
14.) Shake the President's hand.
15.) Ride a camel!! This idea just came to me, but it automatically became a must.)
16.) Paint a picture.
17.) Win an award or contest.
18.) Learn to sew something wearable.
19.) Visit cemeteries of my ancestors.
20.) Get a cute golden retriever puppy!
21.) Have flat abs...not like a 6 pack or anything...but something bikini-worthy! ha ha :)
22.) Hear my first child say "Mama" for the first time.
23.) Have nice furniture. I know this may sound superficial, but I just really want it!
24.) Have a library.
25.) Meet a celebrity.
26.) Get a picture of me, my husband, and all our kids in front of our own fireplace.
27.) Give a speech somewhere important.
28.) Go on a church mission trip.
29.) Pay for a random stranger's groceries or meal at a restaurant.
30.) Own more than 25 pairs of shoes.
31.) Eat dinner at the Space Needle.
32.) See the leaning tower of pisa.
33.) Spend a week in Paris!
34.) Own a dyson vacuum.
35.) Teach kindergarten.
36.) Swim with dolphins.
37.) Go to Disney World.
38.) Go to Sea World.
39.) Be on The Price is Right!
40.) Go on field trips with my kids.
41.) Own a sports car.
42.) Ride in a Nascar car.
43.) Witness a miracle.
44.) Sleep in my own hammock.
45.) Eat a fresh pineapple.
46.) Go snowboarding.
47.) Go snow skiing.
48.) Go rock climbing.
49.) Win a game of Monopoly.
50.) Bench press more than 20 pounds.
51.) Scrapbook.
52.) Grow a vegetable garden.
53.) Catch a butterfly...then set it free.
54.) Ride a roller coaster...a non-scary one preferably.
55.) Take a yoga class.
56.) Read the Bible in its entirety.
57.) Teach my cat to fetch.
58.) Live at the beach.
59.) Own a "beach house".
60.) See all my children get married.
61.) Be a grandmother.
62.) Be a great-grandmother.
63.) Live in a state where it snows.
64.) See my family genuinely happy.
65.) Stand under a natural waterfall.
66.) Have long hair again.
67.) Be an "expert" scrabble player.
68.) Learn how to bait my own hook.
69.) Have a bunch of cash and throw it up in the air. :)
70.) Kiss Brandon under the Eiffel Tower.
71.) Go to every state in the United States.
72.) Eat Italian food in Italy.
73.) Smash an old car with a big huge metal machine.
74.) Go to Bethlehem.
75.) Win a prize at the fair.
76.) Never get a speeding ticket.
77.) Go to Israel.
78.) Keep friendships with my close friends thoughout my entire lifetime.
79.) Make a difference.
80. Play the violin.
81.) Support Brandon in his goals and ambitions.
82.) Stay healthy and fit.
83.) Have more than 2 cats at one time.
84. ) Get a dozen pink roses.
85.) Be able to fit in my wedding dress after I've had all my children.
86.) Ride a tractor.
87.) Have a son and a daughter.
88.) Do fun activities with my children.
89.) Visit the San Diego zoo.
90.) Build a snowman and it last more than a day.
91.) Have straight, white teeth.
92.) Write a children's book.
93.) Design children's clothes.
94.) Build my dream kitchen.
95.) Cook fabulous meals in that dream kitchen!
96.) Have a retirement plan.
97.) Have a wrap-around porch around my very own built home.
98.) For my children to never have to worry.
99.) Contribute to world peace.
100.) Live to be a happy, active 100-year-old woman!